Thursday, September 24, 2009

Ms. Eggbeater

Slow down.


Take a breath.



That's what I wanted to say to Shuna Fish Lydon, blogger at Eggbeater, after I read her post Silence Does Not Make The Heart Grow Fonder.

Shuna is a fabulous pastry chef, writer and thinker.

She blogs with the kind of heart and soul reserved for one of those fantaLinksticly romantic, and even tragic, 19th century English novels.

Having recently moved to London, everything's new, everything's a fresh challenge. Her readers haven't heard much from her since she left California and that's why I have just spotted her Silence post from August.

You know those times when you've been bad about keeping in touch, when you're normally so good at it? You know when you've failed to exercise, cook or clean with some regularity? When asked, "Why?," you have so many excuses that you have none.

Such is Shuna's predicament.

And I love her for her honesty about this period in her life and why it's become such an impossibility for her to blog right now.

Because I so adored her candid list regarding her online silence I've reposted them here. Enjoy.

By: Shuna Fish Lydon

The Why I Have Been Ignoring Eggbeater. A List.
Of Reasons. Possible and Accurate and Ridiculous All.

~out of tune drumroll please

working too many hours.
feeling heartbroken.
spending too much time dispelling wantonly on twitter.
needing sleep.
cleaning the house. thoroughly.
having a houseguest from oakland.
working too many shifts.
not cooking at home.
not taking a lot of photos.
feeling blue. and cerulean.
making long phone calls to the states.
not making enough phone calls to the states.
taking care of best friends falling apart.
feeling like i live in legal/illegal limbo.
having to hide the names of the places i work/have worked.
thinking that eggbeater doesn't give you what other food blogs give you.
moving to a new country.
wishing i knew more about technology and feeling behind the times.
wanting to re-design eggbeater and not feeling like i have the time or know-how.
not eating enough fruit and vegetables in season.
not understanding how British seasons work.
having a secret relationship as i was losing my first job.
having extreme difficulty navigating the personal-political-managerial egos of my new workplace.
having constant foot-in-mouth disease.
believing the things recent ex said about americans.
being caught up in inordinate drama with the ex and his profound narcissism. (self procalimed: i'm not saying anything he didn't say about himself)
feeling pressure to give recipes recipes recipes.
not feeling like recipes mean much.
being terrified friends of mine here and in states were going to kill themselves.
feeling as though food blogs are ridiculous in the scheme of world and personal affairs.
not feeling like i belong to the clique of london food bloggers.
feeling lonely.
turning into a girl.
trying my hand at dating for the first time in a long time.
only eating tea for breakfast and cheese for supper.
angry that i don't know where home is.
feeling the pressure from friends in the states to 'come home.'
feeling betwixt & between.
worrying that my life is moving backwards or staying stagnant.
moving someplace where 'my past is erased.' who i am is an unknown. how i work is questioned.
traveling between confident & low self esteem. as if the border were impossibly thin; permeable.
feeling like the odd man out at work.
promoting my workplace on social media venues.
financial worries.
lack of inspiration.
not having time or gumption to read other people's blogs.
being overwhelmed by my email inbox.
noticing how few personal emails i get. and write.
wanting to write about really big subjects and not knowing where to start.
having few people to share my food thoughts with.
feeling unrequited love with an old love.
marking 4 years since the day she died.
turning 17. amongst people who constantly offer me a drink/give me hangover advice.
living in a new city which is both familiar and foreign.
missing and being missed.
missing having chefs/cooks/pastry chefs as friends.
missing family.
missing california fruit and one farmer and two dogs.
missing portland oregon.
feeling old.
feeling tired, physically & emotionally, from time at work & worry about friends.
not seeing enough nature.
feeling like summer passed me by because i never went swimming or did anything 'summery.'
wondering why i'm here.
wondering where else i should be.
spending too much time alone & without structured plans with friends.
spending too much time at work or working.